To Be A Writer (Jenn Smith)

I want to be a writer more than I want love, which is probably part of the issue I want to be a writer more than I want love, because unrequited is so much more dramatic than requited Because heartbreaking poems aren't as boring as hopeful ones, because I'd rather be sad than be dull
I can describe each shattered piece of my heart before I even remember what a smooth one looks like, every stroke of my pen a symphony in E minor and playing a major chord would just leave the music as broken as the heart is As the mind is As the soul is without a notebook to confide in like the lover I do not have I want to be a writer more than I want love, because I don't remember a time when ink wasn't splashed on my hand like blood I want to be a writer more than I want love, because I am a rare occurrence in my own daydreams It took me longer than I'd care to admit to realize that I was the only one with stories in my head, tapping at the front of my brain impatiently, waiting to run through the pen in my shaky six-year-old hand Now I'm too far gone on words like they're alcohol for me to give it all up just for love I want to be a writer more than I want love, and I would put myself through hell just to get a firsthand account of the place Words call louder than the hole in my chest, anyway I'll give up on filling my heart if it means filling a page, ink running like tears that I refuse to wipe away I want to be a writer more than I want love And I would say that I don't yet know which one I'll achieve, but there are words on a page and no one next to me I've prewritten my journey and it's one that I take alone I apologize if I treat you more like a prompt than a person, but you can't erase pen like pencil I want to be a writer more than I want love So why do all my poems end up being about You?